Thursday, April 8, 2010

Today's Top Story

Well I wish I had one!  I haven't blogged in forever...I've been consumed with each day's routine.  I find myself wanting to just go home and do absolutely nothing after work & hope that we don't have any existing plans....and then there are days I hope that there will be something to look forward to when I push aside all the files on my desk and walk out of this dreary courthouse.

My friends Liz and Katie made a confessions post that inspired me to get real with myself.  You never know if putting something out there, will in turn, bring you help or bring you just what you've been looking for.

*I hardly ever, ever, ever like what I see in the mirror.  It's more than annoying when people say you're just doing it for attention or fishing for compliments because they have no idea how much your own disapproval of yourself can really break you down.

*I often regret how I chose to live my college experience.  I spent my freshman year at a university away from home and wish I had actually enjoyed it and could have lived the typical college lifestyle.  I came back to my hometown's university and could have become involved in a sorority or lived on campus or become more involved somehow, but chose to live at home and work 2 jobs.

*I look back on how horribly I treated some people in my past and it makes me sick to my stomach.  I was such a selfish person at times.  All signs point towards I am, in fact, the reason they did not make it into my future...and I wonder what life would have been like if they did.

*I am a firm believer that girls who grow up without a father figure truly suffer in more ways than one.  I have let guys walk all over me, I have been needy, I have wanted so badly to feel needed, and at times thought a guy was capable of filling any void or fixing the wrongs in my life.  Oddly enough, I was always the one to end relationships.  I constantly stop and thank God for giving me a husband that loves me on my good days, on my bad days, at my high points, & at my low points.

*I think I'm at the point in my life that it's just like the Sugarland song says, "there's gotta be somethin' more, gotta be more than this..." I want to find what it is in life that makes me want to get up each day and go out and make a difference.  I am burnt out.  I want to find out what I am passionate about....and when I find out what that passion is, I want to turn it into a career.

"It's my life, so it's mine to make." - Sugarland


  1. Emily...I can so relate to a couple of your confessions. I'll definitely be praying for you. It's no surprise to God that you are at this place in your life, and I'd bet it's for a good reason. My experience has been that God speaks to us the most when we just aren't sure about "life" anymore. So, I would encourage you to keep thanking Him for the blessings He's given you and seek Him out for direction and renewal. And just for the record, I think you are GORGEOUS, and I always have.

  2. Hey!

    Ok a few things, I agree with the disappointment in your own body. Everyone says I am so thin, which I am small, but I still wish I was more toned, healthy, and muscular ect.

    Second, I fully regret how I lived my college experience as well. I went away to school and didn't make any friends because I was homesick and would go back home every weekend. Then Josh came to the same college and I just hung out with him, so I don't have alot of friends or fun college memories...

    I guess we live and learn?

  3. oh, Emily, Emily, Emily. It must be in the air. i as well feel the same way! Did you read my blog i wrote a few days ago about feeling just a little out of place.

    Why are we so hard on ourselves and why do we feel this way? I wish i had an answer. I wish i only knew. Right now as hard as it is i am waking up saying today you will make a difference in someones like. Whether you help an old lady reach something on a high grocery store shelf or smile at someone who looks like they have lost everything they ever loved.

    Now this is a hard task if you know me. But i am TRYING! I think you are a beautiful, smart, fun loving, gorgeous girl! I think the world needs more people like you!

    I know God will lead you to what you are meant to do, maybe not today or tomorrow but some day soon you will find it and you will know it is meant to be. Wear your heart on your sleeve, have an open mind, and open your brain and it will find you my dear.

    I Love you Em!

  4. Your confessions really hit home with me...I seriously struggle with the self image thing as well. It's not a please-tell-me-I'm-attractive's a legit self-loathing that I have to ask God to help me with ALL the time!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day! I love that picture of your pup!

  5. You haven't posted in a while...get to it, girl! ;-)

    Seriously, I wanted to stop by and tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts and support while we were struggling with the whole Cooper thing. It's been hard but people like you who are so encouraging make it easier! So again, Thank you!