Thursday, April 8, 2010

Today's Top Story

Well I wish I had one!  I haven't blogged in forever...I've been consumed with each day's routine.  I find myself wanting to just go home and do absolutely nothing after work & hope that we don't have any existing plans....and then there are days I hope that there will be something to look forward to when I push aside all the files on my desk and walk out of this dreary courthouse.

My friends Liz and Katie made a confessions post that inspired me to get real with myself.  You never know if putting something out there, will in turn, bring you help or bring you just what you've been looking for.

*I hardly ever, ever, ever like what I see in the mirror.  It's more than annoying when people say you're just doing it for attention or fishing for compliments because they have no idea how much your own disapproval of yourself can really break you down.

*I often regret how I chose to live my college experience.  I spent my freshman year at a university away from home and wish I had actually enjoyed it and could have lived the typical college lifestyle.  I came back to my hometown's university and could have become involved in a sorority or lived on campus or become more involved somehow, but chose to live at home and work 2 jobs.

*I look back on how horribly I treated some people in my past and it makes me sick to my stomach.  I was such a selfish person at times.  All signs point towards I am, in fact, the reason they did not make it into my future...and I wonder what life would have been like if they did.

*I am a firm believer that girls who grow up without a father figure truly suffer in more ways than one.  I have let guys walk all over me, I have been needy, I have wanted so badly to feel needed, and at times thought a guy was capable of filling any void or fixing the wrongs in my life.  Oddly enough, I was always the one to end relationships.  I constantly stop and thank God for giving me a husband that loves me on my good days, on my bad days, at my high points, & at my low points.

*I think I'm at the point in my life that it's just like the Sugarland song says, "there's gotta be somethin' more, gotta be more than this..." I want to find what it is in life that makes me want to get up each day and go out and make a difference.  I am burnt out.  I want to find out what I am passionate about....and when I find out what that passion is, I want to turn it into a career.

"It's my life, so it's mine to make." - Sugarland